Ask your doctor about Yesonel, the revolutionary new attitude adjustment elixir (generic name: Love Potion #9) for the treatment of indecisiveness and even active distrust. Yesonel also has been shown to be effective against naysayers and nattering nabobs of negativism. Yesonel acts on the midbrain, turning normal human skepticism into visions of sugarplums dancing in one's head. Subjects in clinical trials of Yesonel have been reported to see flashes of light in the night sky, then trucks delivering loads of pumpkins that glow in the dark. Under the effects of Yesonel, the pumpkins appear to crack open and disgorge fully formed humans who immediately begin clapping in unison and chanting "Halleluia, we are saved. This is the promised land," to the sounds of dueling banjos playing from the soundtrack of "Deliverance." Researchers at a leading Midwestern university say that a single dose of Yesonel before Election Day produces a sense of contentment and euphoria, causing the patient to vote for full buildout despite his or her misgivings and better judgment, and to tolerate years of traffic jams, construction messes, delays, cost overruns, lawsuits, crowded store aisles and parking lots, overtaxed city services, rampant raccoons, and hundreds of stuck-up rich folks ruining the mellow beachtown atmosphere. Warning: Yesonel is addictive and should not be taken by naive idealists or greedy scumbags. Side effects include delusions and excessive licking of the chops. The only known antidote to a Yesonel overdose is a careful reading of PacificaQuarry.org [1]. (This message presented as a public service by The Unrealtors of America.)

The above was printed as part of John Maybury's "Wandering and Wondering [2]" column in the Pacifica Tribune of October 18th, 2006, and is republished here with his permission.